I actually don't know what my yearnings are for, to go back to the days of the 20s, or the people whom I left behind.
Since I got out of school, I couldn't think of a year where I couldn't get friends for a holiday. There were some friends who have gone places with me, whom I know are such great traveling buddies. Among people like Audrey and Atikah, there was the annual tribal trip. For the last 2 years, the tribal trip had to take a backseat as two members had their little ones.
The thing is, my heart still longs for a holiday, and it feels lonely not having someone to get excited with. I haven't been able to find a traveling buddy here.
I thought a lot about my friends back home a lot. I probably thought more about them than I contact them. You know you've aged when you think about the past more than the future.
I used to think I'd like to be in Melbourne because of the work-life balance. I thought about having my own family and wanted very much to have time for that. In a nutshell, I bought the biggest bucket, and stood waiting for rain.
Yet the rain never really came.
I guess I never thought about Plan B. Like a lot of people my age, it would be nice to be near family and friends, people who understand you and accept you.
I'll be still standing around with my bucket, but if the rain doesn't come, life has to go on, and choices to be made. Idealism has to sometimes take a back seat, and the reality is what really counts for now.
Nevertheless, I thank God that He's given me a place to rest, and when I need to move on, He'll bring me to the next place. Hey, this sure sounds like 40 years in the desert isn't it?!
