We need the eggs...

Just finished watching Annie Hall. Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) said this wistfully as he parted with his ex- girlfriend Diane Keaton- the ditzy girl meets neurotic with their craziest silly moments. Yet there are relationships that do not survive even if there is love, unreplicable memories and wistful reunions.

“It reminds me of that old joke- you know, a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, hey doc, my brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Then the doc says, why don't you turn him in? Then the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. I guess that's how I feel about relationships. They're totally crazy, irrational, and absurd, but we keep going through it because we need the eggs.”

Those Durian and Tau Huey People

I am learning how to be thoughtful like a lot of people around me.

On Thursday, I got a message asking if I was home. I was out celebrating a friend's birthday. I said "No, what's up?".. and it was my friend asking if I wanted a bowl of tau huey that I was craving for some nights back.

On Saturday, I received a phone call while I was grocery shopping. There was an excited voice on the other line. "Hey, I was at Cold Storage and they were selling durians. I bought a few and do you want to have some with me?"

There are some truly nice people around. Some time ago, I thought one of the nicest thing is to make someone feel significant about themselves, because God made them significant in His eyes. I bounced around the concept of how to add value into other people's life?

I guess "Hey, it was just an ordinary day, and I was doing something really banal, and even though so, I thought about you" is pretty nice for a start.

Thoughts like these really motivate me. Try it! 

About measuring love...

As one reflects on love, do they wonder about its quantity?

Is it measured by an average of the amounts of love over a lifetime? Consistently average is the same as highs and lows.

Is it measured by how it starts? Falling in love, butterflies in the stomach, that wonderful first impression?

Is it measured by how it ends? A breakup, an affair, a divorce nullifies everything good before that?

Is it measured by how much one can appreciate? Do I think you love me more because you speak my love language? 

I thought about how much God loves me. 

Yet the biggest element of love is still that "God sent his only son to die for us, while we were still sinners'

Take something you value a lot, sacrifice it all for an unworthy person, possibly someone who annoys you, irritates you, and waste your precious time. Do it even before knowing if the love can be reciprocated, or if he takes you for granted. Do it even if it risk looking foolish in the eyes of the world, that you might cross your fingers that no one tags 'omg' on your facebook.

Do it so that love is not about some inconsistent expression fed by a spur of a moment. Do it so that a lover has no excuse to say he loved enough. Do it so that love is a challenge than a hindrance. Do it so that we can love in disappointment, in tears, in anger, in pain, in disdain, in courage and in humility. 

Do it so that for some crazy reason, there are people with godly decency to talk about for centuries to come. For you cannot erase a love like this.

That is a pretty good measure of love. Past, present, future.

Night Festival

Went to the Night Festival last weekend. We went to the National Museum at 11pm, and who could have predicted that we walked out at 2am?!

It's been a few years since I went the the National Museum, and there was not too much of a change. There was a light display on the facade of the building, very much like the Singapore Art Museum that we visited earlier.

I was initially reluctant to walk into the final exhibition room of Singapore History Gallery, thinking it might be too much of a propaganda. It turned out to be quite entertaining since they provide you with an audio guide, and that was the room I did not visit the last time. A little wordy in the information part, but good if you like to listen to stories.

By 3am we were having a round of supper at the airport. I have to enjoy the craziness before it ends!

When I find the right person...

Had been watching Andy Stanley quite a bit lately. I really love his sermons!

In the series on "The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating", he talked about a very common myth of 'Finding the right person'- that some people believe that when they find the right person, there will be little effort needed to be patient, kind, to not envy... and conversely, when we find ourselves in marriages and relationships that are not kind, nor patient, it is because he/she 'is not the right person!'.

I once went out with a person who loves to fill up survey forms when we dined in restaurants. I was far from patient in those days, but I blamed it on his simple-mindedness, that 'it looked so silly' that I felt irritated. If only he was a little more like this or that and I'll be admiring him. Fast forward years later, I think what Andy said was right. I was more likely irritated because I was full of pride more than he was the 'wrong person'. Being a prideful person was probably more detrimental to a marriage than a person who fills out survey forms! Will meeting a less simple minded person help because I will like him better and hence it will take less effort to be kind? Possibly so in the short run, but we all know that the definition of a 'right person' changes throughout one's life. Soon enough, we are left with the 'wrong person' again. Worse still, we meet a more 'right person' and we realised our spouse cannot be any more wrong. One point I found humorously true, was that Andy pointed out that while we can naturally and effortlessly feel passionate and 'in love', we do not naturally and effortlessly become more patient and kind (chuckles with guilt).

So it is more important not to buy the myth of 'the right person' than to make sure that we become the right person ourselves. More importantly, Andy mentioned if we are becoming the kind of person who we are looking for, is looking for? Take it simply, am I that kind of person my future husband/wife is looking for? I thought that was very inspiring to start practising patience, kindness, showing my 'wow' for the other person, tame my tongue, say sorry, and the whole 1 Cor 13 list.

He also talked about determining the 'stories' we want to tell others. What we do in the present will become our past, which will eventually surface in the future with your future partner. While it is not about spewing details like who-did-what, you still cannot get away with the behavior and decisions you made. It's interesting that Andy said that even if you choose not to tell your story, you might not even like your own story, and you can't run away from that. So choose your actions well today, it'll become your story of tomorrow.

The sermon can be found here.