Is seeking God's will obsolete?

Growing up as a young Christian, I never really liked it when someone advises 'Oh, you should seek God and see where He directs'. For one, I know God wouldn't appear right in front of me and tell me "you should choose Job A over Job B, Man A over Man B, Satay over Rojak"...

Lately I have been reading about God's promises and faithfulness. Most of these happened in the old testament, and in those days, it sounded like a good story. God will appear, make some promises, and if the people obeyed, the promises will be fulfilled. Seems straightforward.

What about current times? God does not speak literally to people, the promises are the ones dated centuries ago, and how does one obey if it didn't come so directly? How do we make modern life choices and yet believe that there is a will from Him, and like the old testament, if we obeyed that will, God will unleash his promises.

Or are we given free will to who we choose to marry, where we choose to work, whether we move overseas, and with some goodwill, God will still be there for us. What about His promises?

I feel a little lost at having to run my own life this way.

Cupcake pretty surprise

Oh Spring should be pretty isn't it? Lots of flowers in bloom.

Not really so. Lots of beautiful flower bloom in winter here. The white english musk roses at the front of the house, the pink camelias shedding their lovely rich pink flowers, petal by petal, forming a lush pink carpet on the woody base.

The pot of white orchids towering me on the table as I type, one of 6 flowers shyly opened its bloom in the last 4 hours since I sat next to it.

Cindy's Protea and Kale (ornamental cabbage) are still blooming after 1 week. Cindy's back in sunny Singapore, and I am now their custodian for the next few weeks.





















One recent morning, I woke up, drew the blinds for the first time in a week, and was greeted by cupcake pretty pink flowers. The tree you see on the side has more pink buds, and unlike shedding by petals, the entire flower breaks off and lands nicely on the ground. Some of these flowers dropped onto the fern next to it and it looks like the fern is flowering.

House Warming of a Different Kind

Now that winter has set in and I am now huddled up at home working on my laptop, watching the world goes by in the quiet and cold afternoons.

When I say the world goes by, it really did. Here are our guests for the housewarming of a different kind.

The Redwattle Bird- who loves nectar in tubular flowers

The stray kitty cat - whose confident broad strides showed that he has been prowling the compound of this house earlier than us.

 The Lion- who according to the natural progression of guests, should arrive soon.

The Good Hearted People

Sometimes it feels that some people are just born with a good heart.

Or is it their life experiences? That they have only seen better in life, and they are just replicating what others have done to them?

There's a friend's ex-colleague who I got introduced via email to as I was interested in a position advertised in the company he's working in. That was few months ago. He talked me through the role and gave me information of the company. Although the application fell through, and we were both disappointed, I was quite thankful for such niceness.

The same job ad came up again. I did thought about him when I applied, but thought that I didn't want to bother him again. Today I got an email from him, asking me to give it a go. He gave me some information, and also made a mention to the recruiting manager.

Since we have never met, I didn't think that it is worth for him to go through all that trouble. That' really nice of him to do that, and I did learn a good lesson on being a good hearted person- that it really touches people's lives, and it makes me want to care a little more, because even strangers cared enough for me.

Thanks to my banking angel in New York right now, for noticing, bothering and helping.

Sick, Tired but not Worn Out

I caught the bug. I was coughing like an old lady, and was risking spreading the germs around. A cup of Berroca, a cup of Manuka honey, 2 panadols and I am calling it a night. I think I shall add Manuka Honey into my list of 'get-me-well' formula on top of Berroca and Panadol.

I am perving at interior designs that I cannot afford. It's still worth a dream. I used to borrow a few interior design books from the library on my way home in Singapore (they were rather heavy to lug around with). Gives me great joy to run through the pictures rather than the latest copy of fashion magazine though.

My latest object of desire has to be Antonio Citterio. I have a love-hate relationship with him since seeing that shelf in Space. Love it because of the clean lines in his design - I have since went on to like his sofas - Hate it because of the forbidden price tag. The shelf cost $19k and the complex architecture behind its thin shelves makes it difficult to copy. There is nothing fancy with the design, the lines are just too amazingly clean.

Time to hit the sack. Drinking the last mouthful of my NZ Manuka Honey.

Oh, speaking of NZ, prayers tonight go to Christchurch. The hip hotel we stayed last year is just right next to the Hotel Grand Chancellor, which is on the verge of collapse. If that falls, it's adios to Hotel SO too.

MY FAVOURITE THINGS

Past emails...

I was trying to dig out an old address in my disused email inbox when I came across emails Sha, Nel and I wrote 10 years ago. My laughter was inconsolable. I had to forward Sha some of it for memory sake. We even had to guess what on earth some were about based on the time stamp.

It's so consoling to know that 10 years later, across countries, we are still emailing almost everyday. I think I'll keep the current ones and read them 10 years down the road.

One more week...

Counting down to next week, and it's not towards Valentines Day.

Trust - demonstrated by the predictability of the object, with reliable outcomes. Projected to be extinct by the end of this century.

Isn't Goodbye Strange?

I get little strange goodbye feeling these days.

Spending the last few moments of work today laughing with a colleague bent on sabotaging the 'checking in' function on facebook, we said goodbye at the lobby. I thought, hmm... haven't laughed so stupidly in ages, since the days of old.

Then I walked past Shop 7- the place I get my coffee sometimes when I prefer a friendly smile to a dearer coffee. Andrew the owner was there and today was his last day. I was about to walk away and he came to the door, gave me a goodbye peck and I wished him all the best. I wished he didn't leave, because I was starting to like buying a coffee from someone and not from a place. He looks a little sad, but he's done a great job with Shop 7 in the last one and a half years.

Suddenly I thought, maybe I wouldn't be around that long too. Had been thinking so much these days about what I really see in my future. What are the things I value? (real relationships). What makes me laugh? (almost anything lighthearted and down-to-earth). What sort of job and what company will suit me? (still yet to finalise) Do I like the friendships or hate the ridiculous work culture in Singapore more? (this is the one million dollar question) Is love big enough to put both family and friends on the backburner?

Felt like saying goodbye but I know I don't have a destination. So I pretended to think that the current limbo isn't going to last very long. Soon I will say goodbye to something I do not yet know.

Angel in the House

I just stumbled out of my daze into the kitchen. There's a dish of tempura prawns and some melon and mushrooms left out for me. Earlier, I was thinking of settling for cereal and milk.

She leaves more than food for a hungry and sometimes stressed up me. Most times she leave me a feeling of a quiet love and humbleness. For the few times she's here, I enjoyed having her around (not just for the cooking), but each time, she endears me to her.

Then again, am I surprised? My housemate, her daughter, has been the best person to live with. There were my shortcomings but she beared it really well. I can see where she inherit her personality from.

Today I cooped myself in the room because I was feeling a little down and tired. She knocked a couple of times to see if I was sick. I was touched.

Aunty, you are the angel in the house. There's so much to learn from your quiet loveliness.

Hot choc and Antihistamines equals almost perfect.

Had a strange attack of itch last night at 3am. Now I am resting with antihistamines and a cup of hot Belgian chocolate. Was reading some articles on Focus on the Family until I came upon this:


Love does not come to dwell in perfection, for no one is perfect. Love dwells in the unlovely, the imperfect. My love for another is not produced by the object of my love. It exists in me when I choose to love all that is unlovely and imperfect; and I thereby receive the love I need by being the lover first. Love is the "bond of perfection" (Shana Schutte)


I love the way the author has put it so eloquently on the translation of Colossians 3:14. I can get so mad sometimes thinking about the flaws of someone, and I am sure I am that cause of frustration to others as well. We are all imperfect people, and it has become cliche to sometimes disclaim "I'm not aiming for perfection, but I would like this, that and that and that as well". 


I was emailing Sha just now. There was a senior in school who was our common 'angel'- a game we play with the mysterious exchange of letters and little gifts. We came to know that we got the same person. He gave Sha a beady eye stuffed bear and me a box of Lindt chocolates. We debated the whole night about this person, and also, is the bear better than chocs? Anyhow, we were talking about how we were once wide eyed girls who had a list of what we want in a man. Now happily married, Sha told me that compared to the good swinging 20s, the list is shorter now. We know that reality has little to offer to the perfectionist, but plenty for the optimist. Life is also too short to engage with a headbutt with not getting what you want (I call it the tantrum of the 30 year old- foot stamping included). The remedying time out should be age divided by two- so we are aiming for at least 15mins at the naughty corner.


Back to the imperfections, be the lover first. Can you? Do you dare?


(Time to drift into a much needed rest)

And she ate and ate... till she got a crushed foot

Tuesday night- 8 course degustation at No 35 on top of the Sofitel watching a sunset.
Friday Afternoon- 6 course degustation at Vue de Monde, complete with bubbly, white and red wines.
Friday Evening- 6 course dinner at Flower Drum, complete with full stomach, drooping eyelids and enough food to last through a famine.

I never ate for 12 hours in my life, not even in my other life as a Singaporean living through 5 courses.

In between sitting through Melbourne's top restaurant and top chinese restaurant, I tried going to the gym in a futile effort to burn some calories. I ended up peddling too hard and had a foot caught between the pedal of the ski machine. I ended up hobbling around over the weekend.

Too much good is not good for you. I'm certainly going to watch what I eat. My new philosophy is 'If you have a quota for calories, might as well fill it with things worth eating!"... Sha, who is indulging in her 10millionth piece of bak kwa will attest to that.

Don't run on the spot for too long...

There are people who spend a lifetime wishing for something/someone that will never come.

All this while as the present whizzes by without them knowing.

Until the last ream unravels and you find that you are at the last page.

Then you realised that all you did was to unravel the unknown but never really living a life in that time. People laugh at people who live each day as it comes, like a carefree bum. At least they did live yesterday and the day before. Unlike me, who spent the last few days extrapolating the future, and all I am left with was a hazy week that has gone by.

I have set a date to stop extrapolating the future and start living the present. Imagining the race is fun but running the race is way better.

Therefore, do not be asking what you are to eat nor what you are to drink; and do not waver between hope and fear.

As a friend said 'Who died and made you God'?

In my earlier life, I only came across one instance of despising. 

It was the family of the girl who brought me to church. She came from a wealthy family. I spent quite a bit of time with her. Then one day, when her father was giving me a lift to the train station, he told me 'XX's mum does not like her hanging around with you. Please spend less time with her'. Her mum also made it a point not to allow her to invite me to her birthday party where other common friends in sunday school was invited.

Though puzzled, it didn't bother me much. I did sort of knew that between us, we had a difference in status.

I only truly learn the word despise more clearly in Australia. In a country where words like 'annoying' is someone else's last name and 'confidence' is our own middle name, it doesn't take a lot to utter despise in full confidence to that annoying person. Jesus' righteous anger is passe, righteous despise is the new cool. The next time you meet a bogan, stop next to someone in a roaring Holden Commodore at the lights, talk to a colleague who speaks with a 'wierd accent', shop at the western suburb next to the blue collared worker, feel free to consider how they haven't made the best of their lives and that you did.

I didn't write this to condemn those who do. I am guilty of it myself. Quite possibly I wrote this because I know how easily I can be a fool to believe that there is an order of things that permits one to despise another.

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

Everyone is back, yay!

The house is alive again
The days are longer again
The public holidays are back again
Yay!

No wonder they say anticipation is sweet.

The Storms of Life

Would my little storm be less important if I know of another big storm blowing elsewhere?

I was a little chaffed today at work. When it happened, I felt emotionally fired up, and I had to diffuse it by venting with a friend tonight.

Just as I was retiring for the night, a previous maid who used to work for us emailed me about Super Typhoon Megi wrecking havoc in the Philippines. She wrote me just as they were bracing the heavy rains and winds outside (It must be nice to be remembered during the eye of a storm). Her house was wrecked by another typhoon some years back.

I returned the email with a prayer for her and her family. As much as I made it sound like a joke about writing me in a midst of a storm, I think that the spirit of it is admirable- thinking of others while the storms in your life are still blowing through.

It made me reflect upon my earlier storm, and I hereby downgrade mine to a 'storm in a teacup'.

Older me

I turned older again! I've stopped counting some years back, and often have to do the necessary subtraction to find my age. I can't complain about time passing too soon, because I secretly hold my breath for winter to pass. Isn't it nice that I get to have my birthday during Spring? It used to be the dreaded exam week when I was growing up.

I've got a bunch of happy Geberas, a lovely dinner at Attica and a necklace for a present. Quite a number of friends send in their blessings. At this age, I think it's thoughtful enough just to send someone a message, although I have to say that I am still 'anti-facebook' due to the lower sincerity factor.

I am suffering from a bout of post-birthday blues though. I haven't figured out why yet, quite possibly post holiday-friends-supper-family blues since it's only been a few weeks since I returned.Times like birthdays remind you of sharing your joy with people who mean something to you.

Well, I'll be sharing the joy with my happy Geberas in the meantime!

Start getting curious, cut the assumptions.

Remember the first date... you wanted to know what the other party thought, and why they think the way they do.

Somewhere between familiarity and predictability, we stopped asking 'why' and 'how come'.

If one is moody, they are just playing up. Is there really a need to find out why?

Microwave answers and assumptions-easy to conjure, convenient to use and saves a lot of effort.

When did we stop getting curious? Isn't curiosity part of understanding?

Better when you didn't know...

Sha and I were having a little email banter. I first found out about the death of Mrs Lee Kuan Yew from Sha's lament on Facebook. Like many Singaporeans, she was quite touched.

There was also another email I got from another friend, who wasn't too impressed with the attention given to her. He wrote in jest that it wasn't Joan of Arc or Mother Theresa who passed away.

So there I was, typing mindlessly away to Sha. I told her that it has to be that spirit of how despite her great academic achievements, a smart lady like her gave up what she had to help her husband fulfill his nation-building dream, tirelessly sacrificing, and was quiet about it until she breathe her last. I was kind of at my last sentence here until I found an uncanny resemblance.

Thousands of years ago, there was a great man who gave up his heavenly position, came down to serve and fulfill the will of his father, tirelessly helping and healing, and was quiet till he breathe his last.

Strange how we don't need formalised religion to program us into recognising what is admirable in life. Thousands lined up to pay their last respects. Thousands more felt the grief of the husband who lost his wife of 63 years.

It is surely not Joan of Arc or Mother Theresa. It was Jesus and the father who sent him.

Hello Old Friends!

Hello old friends,

It's been great catching up with you. It's not a chiche to say that old friends can always reconnect when they meet again.

I met up with my oldest friend who is still in contact with me. It's been 25 years of knowing her. We baked cakes when we were 11 years old, hoping to practice for 6 months before giving a cake to our fathers on their birthdays. I finally asked her if she found out why all our cakes stuck to the pan. I got the answer.

I spent an hour chatting in the carpark with my secondary school partner after our 3 hour dinner. She said meeting up 4 times got better each time. We talked about her marriage, life, work, but beyond that, it was about her fears, hopes and feelings. We exchanged more than 100 hand written mails in our high school days.

I bumped into my good old friend having dinner with her husband. This time, her husband joined us and I noticed he's different now- sweeter and more tender to her. I was happy for her. We went shopping, talked about the old times, opened our private thoughts till 4am in the morning. That was how it was in after uni days. We talked so much that it was devastating when the teleco started per minute fixed line billing.

I met the tribe. If there is a happy gas equivalent, it's with the tribe. They make me laugh even though we were colleagues for 2-4 years, and I've left them for 6 years. If there were silly memories, it's mostly with the tribe.

I met a friend who worked, travelled, and shared a single bed with me. We are of different faiths but it never stopped us from knowing each other well. She's been my partner in crime for so many things because we complement each other well in the 'doing' aspect of things.

I also resumed the unofficial mothering mentorship with my first mummy friend. We did the school runs together, just to make use of the free time to catch up. My first glimpse of motherhood was when I was the regular fixture in her house 10 years ago.

I'm glad that sometime long ago, I gave someone a chance to know me. I am more blessed that long ago, someone also gave me a chance to know them... and till this day, we are still giving.

Is love a...

Is love a conviction or decision?