Don't run on the spot for too long...

There are people who spend a lifetime wishing for something/someone that will never come.

All this while as the present whizzes by without them knowing.

Until the last ream unravels and you find that you are at the last page.

Then you realised that all you did was to unravel the unknown but never really living a life in that time. People laugh at people who live each day as it comes, like a carefree bum. At least they did live yesterday and the day before. Unlike me, who spent the last few days extrapolating the future, and all I am left with was a hazy week that has gone by.

I have set a date to stop extrapolating the future and start living the present. Imagining the race is fun but running the race is way better.

Therefore, do not be asking what you are to eat nor what you are to drink; and do not waver between hope and fear.

As a friend said 'Who died and made you God'?

In my earlier life, I only came across one instance of despising. 

It was the family of the girl who brought me to church. She came from a wealthy family. I spent quite a bit of time with her. Then one day, when her father was giving me a lift to the train station, he told me 'XX's mum does not like her hanging around with you. Please spend less time with her'. Her mum also made it a point not to allow her to invite me to her birthday party where other common friends in sunday school was invited.

Though puzzled, it didn't bother me much. I did sort of knew that between us, we had a difference in status.

I only truly learn the word despise more clearly in Australia. In a country where words like 'annoying' is someone else's last name and 'confidence' is our own middle name, it doesn't take a lot to utter despise in full confidence to that annoying person. Jesus' righteous anger is passe, righteous despise is the new cool. The next time you meet a bogan, stop next to someone in a roaring Holden Commodore at the lights, talk to a colleague who speaks with a 'wierd accent', shop at the western suburb next to the blue collared worker, feel free to consider how they haven't made the best of their lives and that you did.

I didn't write this to condemn those who do. I am guilty of it myself. Quite possibly I wrote this because I know how easily I can be a fool to believe that there is an order of things that permits one to despise another.

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

Everyone is back, yay!

The house is alive again
The days are longer again
The public holidays are back again
Yay!

No wonder they say anticipation is sweet.

The Storms of Life

Would my little storm be less important if I know of another big storm blowing elsewhere?

I was a little chaffed today at work. When it happened, I felt emotionally fired up, and I had to diffuse it by venting with a friend tonight.

Just as I was retiring for the night, a previous maid who used to work for us emailed me about Super Typhoon Megi wrecking havoc in the Philippines. She wrote me just as they were bracing the heavy rains and winds outside (It must be nice to be remembered during the eye of a storm). Her house was wrecked by another typhoon some years back.

I returned the email with a prayer for her and her family. As much as I made it sound like a joke about writing me in a midst of a storm, I think that the spirit of it is admirable- thinking of others while the storms in your life are still blowing through.

It made me reflect upon my earlier storm, and I hereby downgrade mine to a 'storm in a teacup'.

Older me

I turned older again! I've stopped counting some years back, and often have to do the necessary subtraction to find my age. I can't complain about time passing too soon, because I secretly hold my breath for winter to pass. Isn't it nice that I get to have my birthday during Spring? It used to be the dreaded exam week when I was growing up.

I've got a bunch of happy Geberas, a lovely dinner at Attica and a necklace for a present. Quite a number of friends send in their blessings. At this age, I think it's thoughtful enough just to send someone a message, although I have to say that I am still 'anti-facebook' due to the lower sincerity factor.

I am suffering from a bout of post-birthday blues though. I haven't figured out why yet, quite possibly post holiday-friends-supper-family blues since it's only been a few weeks since I returned.Times like birthdays remind you of sharing your joy with people who mean something to you.

Well, I'll be sharing the joy with my happy Geberas in the meantime!

Start getting curious, cut the assumptions.

Remember the first date... you wanted to know what the other party thought, and why they think the way they do.

Somewhere between familiarity and predictability, we stopped asking 'why' and 'how come'.

If one is moody, they are just playing up. Is there really a need to find out why?

Microwave answers and assumptions-easy to conjure, convenient to use and saves a lot of effort.

When did we stop getting curious? Isn't curiosity part of understanding?

Better when you didn't know...

Sha and I were having a little email banter. I first found out about the death of Mrs Lee Kuan Yew from Sha's lament on Facebook. Like many Singaporeans, she was quite touched.

There was also another email I got from another friend, who wasn't too impressed with the attention given to her. He wrote in jest that it wasn't Joan of Arc or Mother Theresa who passed away.

So there I was, typing mindlessly away to Sha. I told her that it has to be that spirit of how despite her great academic achievements, a smart lady like her gave up what she had to help her husband fulfill his nation-building dream, tirelessly sacrificing, and was quiet about it until she breathe her last. I was kind of at my last sentence here until I found an uncanny resemblance.

Thousands of years ago, there was a great man who gave up his heavenly position, came down to serve and fulfill the will of his father, tirelessly helping and healing, and was quiet till he breathe his last.

Strange how we don't need formalised religion to program us into recognising what is admirable in life. Thousands lined up to pay their last respects. Thousands more felt the grief of the husband who lost his wife of 63 years.

It is surely not Joan of Arc or Mother Theresa. It was Jesus and the father who sent him.

Hello Old Friends!

Hello old friends,

It's been great catching up with you. It's not a chiche to say that old friends can always reconnect when they meet again.

I met up with my oldest friend who is still in contact with me. It's been 25 years of knowing her. We baked cakes when we were 11 years old, hoping to practice for 6 months before giving a cake to our fathers on their birthdays. I finally asked her if she found out why all our cakes stuck to the pan. I got the answer.

I spent an hour chatting in the carpark with my secondary school partner after our 3 hour dinner. She said meeting up 4 times got better each time. We talked about her marriage, life, work, but beyond that, it was about her fears, hopes and feelings. We exchanged more than 100 hand written mails in our high school days.

I bumped into my good old friend having dinner with her husband. This time, her husband joined us and I noticed he's different now- sweeter and more tender to her. I was happy for her. We went shopping, talked about the old times, opened our private thoughts till 4am in the morning. That was how it was in after uni days. We talked so much that it was devastating when the teleco started per minute fixed line billing.

I met the tribe. If there is a happy gas equivalent, it's with the tribe. They make me laugh even though we were colleagues for 2-4 years, and I've left them for 6 years. If there were silly memories, it's mostly with the tribe.

I met a friend who worked, travelled, and shared a single bed with me. We are of different faiths but it never stopped us from knowing each other well. She's been my partner in crime for so many things because we complement each other well in the 'doing' aspect of things.

I also resumed the unofficial mothering mentorship with my first mummy friend. We did the school runs together, just to make use of the free time to catch up. My first glimpse of motherhood was when I was the regular fixture in her house 10 years ago.

I'm glad that sometime long ago, I gave someone a chance to know me. I am more blessed that long ago, someone also gave me a chance to know them... and till this day, we are still giving.

Is love a...

Is love a conviction or decision?

Which one are you?

This few days have been quite refreshing. I indulged in all things me and girly.

I've done a Bridget Jones tonight, deliberating making a trip to get 2 seasons of Sex and the City, and one large tub of Chocolate Indulgence Connoisseur Ice Cream. Of course I donned on my pink lamb patterned flannel PJs to add to the mood.

I needed to feel happy being me again, and being me is getting happy over a lot of little things in life. I went to check out a new walking path in the neighbourhood in the rain, found out that the nearest dvd shop has since closed, I went to a few post offices to get my mails sorted, I visited my concierge- who is ever so nice and friendly, listened to a few amazing sermons, read the bible, looked at my friend's photos, rang a friend who attended church with me back from Singapore who is on MC, cooked chicken soup for dinner, and when it all adds up, I am feeling happy and contented.

I just sat through 5 episodes of SATC. From a sociological perspective, I really liked the way SATC  throws some uncanny observations of women and society. Everyone can more or less identify themselves as 1 of them, or a cross of 2. I am probably very similar to Carrie in our perspectives on romance. Some of the things she said in season 2 make me laugh, because I believe I said the same things before.

Tomorrow I will take a walk and have coffee in a nice little cafe. The soy latte there is pretty yummy.

A little speechless...

I was catching up with him again, looking at the recent pictures of his mission trip with his daughter.

The wife and him are people I admire and love very much. At a glance, he looks like your typical soccer-loving, speaks your mind, scold the driver who cut in front of your sort of person. He doesn't earn top dollars, and doesn't live a out-of-this-world lifestyle.

Recently, he was told that his company is closing. He was about to lose his job of 10 over years.

He's got 2 kids and a wife to feed. Yet he brought his 11 year old daughter to Batam for a mission trip. She's the youngest there, and is already a good helper in the few trips they've taken. He also does the prison ministry with the church on some weeks.

I asked him if he was worried about the job. I'm sure he is from time to time. His actions sure doesn't show it.

How do people sail through all these and still remain unselfish? Isn't it time to retreat, consolidate your army, and put yourself before the rest? He's still faithfully looking for jobs, and God has been his provider.

I think I remembered why I admired him despite that rough edge he has. Together with his wife, they have been one of the most consistently loving, selfless and patient people I have came to experience. They gave me a glimpse of Christ-likeness.

All these while I was taking time to think about how I can make my life a little better, happier etc...

"Each of you should look not only to your interests, but also to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:4)

Let's connect, superficially...

I am contemplating deleting my profile on facebook.

I was initially drawn into it as a form of keeping in touch with friends I've lost.

When I've found my 'long lost friends', I know I can choose to keep in touch via email.

Be honest to yourself, when did you last spent 10mins looking at someone else's life? And after that and you didn't even write a "Hi" after you sifted through his stack of photos of birthdays, party, trip with his girlfriend, comments on his pet dog and the recent wedding he's attended. Ironically, as much as you have now known the intimate details of his life, you are unlikely to even want to tell him what you did last weekend. 

There are the 'sifters', and there are the 'exhibitionists'. Yes, these two make the perfect pair, and is one of many reasons why facebook continues to thrive. The exhibitionists are the ones who tell others what they did for lunch, pictures of their breakfast, what they are thinking for dinner and if it involves boiling, steaming or blanching. Their updates move faster than the ticker tape of Nasdaq, and they know they have got an audience. Their profile, comments and 432 friends radiates great impressions better than the good news bible. 

Point is, is there a point? We all know there's only superficial truth and an element of WYSI(Not)WYG there. Why waste time writing, and why waste time reading? Would a good old 'Hi, how are things? What about you?' draw more goodness than a medium that relieves us with an avenue to connect superficially?

He

He can grant a wish or make a dream come true
He can paint the clouds and turn the gray to blue
He alone knows where to find the rainbow's end
He alone can see what lies beyond the bend


Finally I felt that I did the right thing. 

Conflicts

“If death and taxes are the first two certainties of life, conflict is the third. Life requires conflict! It is an essential part of God’s redeeming plan. Through conflict we know our need, acknowledge our sin, recognize truth, and it is by conflict God tests our faith.” (Book titled "Leaders on Leadership")

What are you selling?

Ever how you come across to people around you?


I am a very cautious person by nature. There are days I focus more on what can go wrong, versus what is right. I think for that reason, I am a really good operator, good at keeping deadlines and pre-empting risks, but possibly an uninspiring leader.


Walking home in half angst today, I was a little peeved about some work issues. For a moment, I caught myself in that 'mode'. If I saw myself across the road, I'll stay on the my side to avoid the angsty person on the other end.


If the bible is a source of good news, I hope I sell the right goods. Do I sell hope, faith and love? Or gloom, storms and 'what ifs'?

"We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Thes 1:3)

Isn't it amazing if you walk into work and you meet someone who radiates faith, hope and love?

Sometimes you have to put logic aside

I'm starting a 21 day prayer (and hopefully fasting of some kind) that the church entering into right now.

Did I even once mention that I'm a sucker for prioritising? For me, everything has a rank, a meaning and an accorded importance.

Lately I find that my attention has been drawn away and I'm too caught up with one or two things.

I hope that this time of prayer will help me realign a little more. To put what's on top at the top.

It's very tempting to say 'better job', 'more friends' or 'happier life'...

But something tells me that it's not just going to be about me.

It's about seeking him first, and the rest will settle.

Who would you marry?

Who would I marry...

At 15, it was that guy with that cute smile.
At 20, it was that guy who smiled at you.
At 25, it was that guy who you enjoyed your dates with
At 30, it was that guy who is your best friend
At 31, it was that guy who is still your best friend and can provide for your kids
At 32, it was that guy who would walk the mile for you and with you
At 33, it is the man who thinks he's found a treasure in you, and your treasure is him.

She said she'll give me lollipops

She said she'll give me lollipops, until I realized that they were made from Play doh.

Her mum is in hospital, after the baby decided to come 2 months early. She misses her dad like crazy, and is especially grouchy in the mornings.

She's especially cheeky, coming from a girl who insists on feeding herself from a big porcelain mug at 1 year old, about the same time I slapped my hand into my first birthday cake and laughed.

I can't say if I like all the new bundles of joy floating around facebook. To me, all babies look the same, and until they can make some meaningful conversation with you, they don't fascinate me much.

(There I said it!.. Shoot me)

Funny how I look at the man and he's not that fascinated with kids too. I used to be that position, and it worried some people a lot. I only love my own... and those who I have a real relationship with.

Someone like my 4 year old niece, who has a life bigger than her auntie here.

Just like Kevin

Recently I was asked by my colleague what my plans are after finishing my last exam. Cheekily, I pulled aside another colleague passing by and asked him the same question.

I asked him "What are your plans for the next 5 years?"
Without hesitating, he answered "I want to start taking control of my life"
I asked "How old are you?"
He answered "40, and hence it's time to start"

For the last few nights, I was flipping through job search pages. The current position is comfortable, the hours are good, the money is fine, but I don't feel the satisfaction. Perhaps it's the way the job is crafted for mediocrity, for those who prefer to make a run at 4.45pm and do the same things day-in-day-out.

Decisions decision...

I've flipped through Australian job sites, and I switch over to the Singapore ones. I did searches ranging from Audit to Assurance, Internal Controls to Business Analyst. There's the dilemma of which way to go. Sha who is close to finishing her ACCA will understand that at the end of the day, starting from scratch to gain a strict accounting experience is not an option. You just have to find a job that allows you to marry up both your previous life and the current one.

Times like these I want to go find a hole to hide.

Like what my colleague says, it's time to take control nevertheless. I don't think status quo is a good option. Comfort can be nice, but most times, it's a long term enemy. Drifting along is just as bad.

I am a planner.. i think about the future on my way to work, while waiting for the lift, on the toilet seat, in between tv programs.

Maybe I should take a leaf from Kevin Rudd... PM one day, jobless the next. I was just reading his tweets a moment ago, and from the numerous agendas and meetings he once had, now his activity of the day is to bring his son to the airport.

Well, what awaits me tomorrow? I think I shall just explore all avenues, and worry about it when it becomes a reality. Just like good ole Kevin Rudd.

The Hand is Free (soon)

My hand is getting out of prison after 5.5 weeks. It's a few days to 6 weeks but I am sneaking the opportunity to get it off since I'm going to Sydney.

The strange thing is that I really would have kept it till 6 weeks. It feels that I have run the race, and finished rightly.

As much as I complained in the earlier weeks, the same discomforts are there, but in a way, I'm past the crest of a big hump. I still struggle with 1 hand - tonight's dinner was disgusting because while trying to haul a laptop, a handbag and a large mcdonalds paper bag (no plastic ones with disabled friendly loops), and talking on the mobile phone with 1 hand, the coke spilled into my chicken mcnuggets and my fries, and then continued on soaking into my handbag. The clean up took longer than eating it, and I chucked half away since they were soggy.

Back to the hand, I was reflecting upon how I went from angst to submission. Factually, nothing has changed. The soggy mcnuggets are still in the bin. The word 'opportunity' just kept popping up. Somehow without the hand, I never knew there'll be strangers who can be concerned about a broken arm. I won't know how someone will stand up to be even more patient and drop yet another gear down. I won't know if another will cook and wash for me without fussing. I won't know how much perserverance I hold inside me, and the threshold of my own patience. Now I know, not just within my head, but with trial-tested assurance, where all these stand.

Jesus in his famous parable of The Good Samaritan, asked "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" (The religious people who hurriedly went past him or the one who bandaged his wounds).The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

On the eve of removing my cast, I can say that the trial wasn't the hardest, and I don't wish to be cliche by saying that testing is good for you, but I dare say that through this harder time, I'm better acquainted with mercy and touched by those who didn't walk away. Oh, I am also more patient with myself too.


Introducing my one-handed friendly friends:
Hooks to hang my clothes instead of doing a balancing act with the hanger with 1 hand and a chin

From left: Disposable cutlery, the wand dish-scrubber, colgate handy pump toothpaste, very large garbage bag with convenient ties, microwave food since I can't cut and slice.