Try a little faith...

How do you feel about trading your wisdom for faith?

I tried a little last week. The fact is, your wisdom, still works to certain extents when it comes to the outcome. You can, like me, pour through annual reports, SEC fillings, headache-inducing 138 pages of guidance between GAAP and IFRS in anticipation of the latest interview. But I did something different this week. I asked God to take over, to not land an offer because I did the above, to then take full credit for being 'so prepared'. Of late, I was wary of wanting to orchestrate situations and its outcomes solely by putting faith in my wisdom. I decided to exercise a rather irrational card- faith. I prayed that God gives me the right things to say, that I honour him in my answers. 

I used to think someone will laugh at me for being simplistic if I just trump situations with the 'have faith' card. I thought it might even sounded mindless. Not that I do not prepare for interviews anymore, but I learn not depend on wisdom, but on God's goodness and sovereignty. 

I must say the outcomes have been supernatural too. Such outcomes certainly feed my soul better than a proud pat on my back that my own wisdom has brought me across the circumstantial gamble. 

I found a quote by Tozer that I noted in my journal a few years back.


“To believe actively that our Heavenly Father constantly spreads around us providential circumstances that work for our present good and our everlasting well-being brings to the soul a veritable benediction. Most of us go through life praying a little, planning a little, jockeying for position, hoping but never being quite certain of anything, and always secretly afraid that we will miss the way. This is a tragic waste of truth and never gives rest to the heart.

There is a better way. It is to repudiate our own wisdom and take instead the infinite wisdom of God. Our insistence upon seeing ahead is natural enough, but it is a real hindrance to our spiritual progress. God has charged Himself with full responsibility for our eternal happiness and stands ready to take over the management of our lives the moment we turn in faith to Him.” - Tozer

Importance

It takes 4 weeks to gain attachment, 4 months to grow affinity, 4 years to root importance.


It takes 4 weeks to dull attachments, 4 months to change preferences, 4 years to root importance.

What is important to you today? Will it be the same in 4 years time?

Faith

Faith - how to get there

First dig yourself a fairly large hole
Next jump into it
Try your utmost might to get out of it
Realised you have not got a chance to get out
Fret, get angry, frustrated
Cry for help, contemplate giving up
Wait, don't lose hope
Know that someone heard you
Know even if you don't know how
Know even if you don't know when
Know that you will somehow be saved

Or blame yourself for digging the hole
For jumping into it
For not bringing a ladder down
For losing your cool
For acting weak by crying for help
For wasting time to hope
For having no comfort
For uncertainties
For you know that you might never be saved

The things you can be sure of, are death and your own created consequences. God has unseen plans which you need the key of faith to unlock.

I am unlocking a few things.. and it has been exciting so far... unbelievable some days...

When I was 18...

I was just browsing through some classified ads online and came across this particular ad:

i have currently just turned 18 and i wanted to start my own family by starting off with a kitten , if anyoneeeee has one that they will give to me or ill pay a bit before , please contact me , i really want to save and give a good kitty a home

When I was 18, the most independent thing I had done by then was to take an overseas trip out with some friends. I was impressed by this boy because he related turning 18 with the maturity one needs to take care of something else. He posted an ad, and he's willing to even pay a small price (listed in ad as $100) for this experience. He's got a goal in wanting to save a cat.

I kept wondering what my own kid will want at 18. Would he be asking for more responsibility? Would he start relishing in standing on his own two feet?

I am pretty impressed by his maturity.

Virtues that stand the test of time

I was watching my friend's wedding video last night. There was the part where the husband listed the strengths of my friend, and what he appreciates about her.

I did not like the husband much during their courting days because he was the high achiever and my friend was a very simple girl. At one point, he seemed to look down on her, and she knew that.

But last night, he mentioned her 'kindness, patience and love', three standout characteristics of my friend that I wholeheartedly agree from my 20 years of friendship with her. I nodded in unison while watching, having that 'evil' thought that even a proud person knows how to be humbled by these characteristics.

The beauty of age is that with time, kindness and patience become more obvious, for what virtue is that if I am only patient for a day? I have seen a few friends who have constantly showed such characteristics, and I am so happy for them that even their husbands cannot run from appreciating that.

No wonder they say Love is Patient, Love is Kind. It mutes the richest man, silences the proud, and gives grace to those who have done wrong.

Things that makes me go hmm...

Saw a few random things online today that made me stop to think a little bit more than what to eat for breakfast or if my robot vacuum cleaner is doing its run.

I was planning for the Easter holidays, and came across an advertisement for a 'travel buddy' on the classifieds. Ah, the pleasures of youth and the days of backpacking! I thought. Then as I read on, it was a middle age lawyer asking for a 18-25 years old slim and bright girl of any nationality to travel with him overseas. All expenses paid.

Then I skipped on to tag a cnet news on 'Draw Something'. I have earlier sent a picture of his drawings to the call for submissions. One of them was selected to be on the gallery. I must say I was pretty thrilled, as I thought it was a rather cute picture. It was not Turner prize quality, but we played it the good ole way, sans stylus, sans ipad, sans buying 'additional colours'. I came across 'Cowboy' who wrote a snide comment about how my particular picture was 'terrible', and wanted other readers to agree with him. I thought long and hard about giving him a verbal trashing, but decided I'll sleep over it, and if no one follows his thread, he'll be the one feeling 'terrible'. Silence is the biggest winner here.

I guess the internet has made all kinds of unseen relationships outside the traditional lines of friends, lovers and enemies. Maybe there will be a girl who will respond to the travelling ad, and she does not even need to know Mr Lawyer twice her age. Similarly, I might wake up tomorrow throwing my woman's wrath at Mr Cowboy who just has to let loose his sophisticated taste on art on something so small as 'Draw Something'.

Sometimes I wonder why...

I am very convinced I've ran out of public transport karma, even if I am not a fare evader.

The last citybound bus outside my house ends at 2.31pm every weekday (why??). The nearest train station is 3km away and according to the transport planner, will take a minimum of at least 3 transfers and 37mins to finally arrive to what is only just the start of the journey (see figure above).

So to get to a friend's house for my Chinese New Year this hot 34 degrees day, I have methodically researched and strategised that I will walk 10mins to the main road, catch this one and only bus of the day transporting workers to another railway station, hop on a train, take 1 stop, change to another train, enjoy the air con for 30mins, hop off, and walk 10mins to his house.

Welcome to one of the world's most (un-be)liveable city.

What is the solution?

That Friday Post

The solution to the future
No one knows
The solution to things you can't control
Someone else knows
The solution to your problem
Only you know
The solution to tonight
is not the solution of tomorrow, nor the future
It is to sigh together, hope together
dry the tear streaked face
feel understood
Because that is all that is needed for tonight.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Rom 12:15

Terra Nova

Was watching the premier of Terra Nova last night. I may be wrong, but it seemed like the story started due to environment degradation in some period in the future, and the only way to save it is to return to the age of the dinosaurs. I am not a fan of dinosaurs, and hence I switched channel soon after they crossed the frontier.

What if the worse thing about going back to the past is not the dinosaurs, but of the way we have socially moved farther than we thought we did?

I came across an old newspaper print of 1899, announcing the emerald and golden anniversaries of a few couples. In those days, I can imagine that it is a respectable milestone to announce, a dignified celebration at church worthy of the eyes of God.

Since the only cool thing about the past is antique furniture, the past social norms are boring, practiced by old-stick-in-the-mud people with no creativity for innovation. Let's invent no-fault divorces because love is a individual prerogative, come as you may, go as you want. Why not scrap the idea of marriage because it is just another dead weight that attempts to tie us down to uncomfortable obligations? If the buzzword of the start of this century is innovation, and the married ones are feeling like they have missed the boat by jumping too soon, fear not, for the government headache will no longer be same-sex unions and high rate of divorces, but of polyam0ry (not a typo but I do not want this blog to appear on a google search on this word). In a nutshell, this is the concept of many loves, and is distinct from polygamy. It implies what Mr Smith can tell his wife that he still loves her, but also have a solid romantic relationship with Miss Jenkins and Miss Jones as well. To ring in an air of respectability like the specks of real vanilla beans visible on a vanilla slice, Mrs Smith, Miss Jenkins and Miss Jones will be informed duly of each other's existence and the comings and goings. Heck, there's even self-help written on how to come out of the closet with your kids. Step aside Modern Family!

I'll like to return to 1899, and have my name up in the announcement on the papers. But first of all, anyone with some courage for marriage?

My ongoing projects

My ongoing projects in this season of life:

1) Complete identifying all the plants currently around the house and their needs
2) Meeting recruiters - learning to verbally sell myself, be proud of my achievements, know my gaps, gather feedback and learn to say no
3) Eat more healthy - look at what goes into boxes and can I do it better? First stop, DIY juices and cereals.
4) Decoration for houses - grouting tiles, french provincial designs, how to turn windows into doors, colour schemes, searching the shops in Carlton North to finally add some things to my apothecary jar in the bathroom
5) Reading the bible and actually having time to pray and reflect
6) Brushing up on business chinese and knowing all the working terms relevant to my work

I know one day I will look back and thank God for the opportunity to have such a period of time as this.

Two things that make me contented

Two things that makes me contented - a good cup of coffee and the beach.

He Makes All Things New

It was sunset. Another day is done, and it is time to rein back the dreams of the day and await for the coming of tomorrow.

These are a few of the many oak trees around where I live. Spring has arrived, and the deciduous oak trees are sprouting their tender shoots, looking like green furry worms. In winter, their bare branches made them look dead, and the only life on them are the birds that congregate each morning to sing their songs.

It is time to prune some of the plants in time for them to bud. Even the potted orchid which lost 2 of its flowers have 3 new buds growing on them. There is joy in seeing something so small and yet packed with so much beauty trying to break through from the inside. It is more amazing than the magician's hat, the invisible hand of the spring sunshine coaxing the life out of each and every awakened plant.

It feels like God telling me "I have made all things new". Be careful or your hearts will be weight down with the anxieties of life (Luke 21:34)

"Look at the fig tree and all the trees. When they sprout leaves, you can see for yourselves and know that summer is near. Even so, when you see these things happening, you know that the kingdom of God is near". (Luke 21: 29-31)

Surrendering and Giving Up

Surrendering: leaving it on the altar for God to handle.
Giving up: throwing it into the rubbish bin so no one can handle.
Resignation: thinking that you don't even have access to an altar or rubbish bin

Surrender brings hope, giving up brings sadness and resignation insists that the problem is greater than God.

Lemonade for Sale

Saw this sight when I was out on Saturday after doing brunch at Bread and Jam for Frances.

Two little boys had set up store selling lemonade on a sunny 20 degrees day. Should I be more specific to say that Mom had set it up and they were suppose to selling it to raise funds (maybe a sign will help). Instead of selling, they started playing a game of footy.

It is such a cute little sight though, selling lemonade on the main street. I love the innocence of such old-fashioned ways.

Sobering Up

I thought I was turning into some kind of religious fanatic. I seeked, prayed, read, and spent so much time just away from all the noise. I hardly watched tv, I cut down on web surfing, and I enjoyed the peace and quiet.

I felt sobered. You know how you are so used to operating in a certain way, reacting when someone provokes you, and you thought the world operates on the sort of beliefs you used to hold so tightly?

(Not so suddenly), you woke up and the world no longer spins the way you thought it to be. You lost control, but you are not spinning out of control. You relegated the control to someone else. After all, what you once thought and believed does not hold true anymore. The truth becomes honestly glaring; there is no running away.

The state of inebriation has the nicest feel, but it is not the truth. I was at a restaurant and I saw a family, and although I am not privy to their struggles and joy, I thought it must be assumed that many moons ago, two people had love, dreams and the courage to take the plunge. Many moons later, these two people may have moved from where they once stood, but they must have been so much braver, selfless and yielding than they once were. They must have learnt how to sacrifice, to give, to receive and to find courage in longstanding struggles.

Sobering up, I know that I must be with a partner who would want to weather the storms with me together with God's help. I am not overtly pessimistic, but in fair weather, everyone wants to join the bandwagon. I am truly amazed by Jesus' choice of his disciples - the average Joe who were neither rich, intelligent or even impressive. In the end, nearly all died for Jesus' cause and furthered His ministry. That is truly impressive.

Looking through my box of snail mails today, I saw that I got the most mails from 3 good friends who have weathered laughter and tears with me for almost 20 years. They are my choice of friends, and definitely people I would want to travel alongside for the rest of my life.

Faith

Faith is like a key that unlocks our potential. It knows no doubt; hears no discouragement, and sees no insurmountable barriers. It is resolute. 

Waiting...

I do not have a plan.

Think about it, how many times in a day do you live for the future? You wonder how your next job will be like, if you should slot a holiday in between, what happens if the economy heads south, should you invest in this now, what if you met someone else next time, what time should you sleep today to prepare for the crazy day tomorrow?

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I am sitting here doing nothing. I am not advocating that you shouldn't make hay while the sun shines.

I just need to relinquish my control, worries and fears to God for the moment. The only time I think about tomorrow is when I ask Him what does he want me to do next.

I am waiting on Him for a conviction. I usually dislike waiting, but I have peace this time. I am deeply confident that it will come.

I am walking in the midst of faith.. in real time!

Your love keeps me going...

What is the greatest comfort you can give to someone in adversity? What if you are not in control of the situation? What if the person does not seem to crawl out of the pits?

Love them, and let them know that they are loved no matter what.

It will give them strength they know not of. It will draw them out of the pits when they are ready. It will be their safety net when it is time to walk the line. That will be their personal strength when the dust settles and the days look brighter.

The days when I was sad, God sent friends to help me along. There was an email that went 'The only thing worse than your tears is your silence'... There were those who called and even if they could not help, they occupied my time by talking about the daily things with me till it was the end of another day. There were also those who listened so much that I was touched by their patience.

I have learnt so much about giving comfort in my own down times. It is not helping the person to find a solution (unless her car is stuck in the middle of the highway and she calls you), but in matters of grief and sadness, to strengthen the heart with 'If you feel that you are so loved, so cherished and you are so precious to God and those around you, would that help you take a step out of the pits? Would that help you conquer your despair?'

It doesn't even require an ice axe or behemoth strength. Just a gentle spirit, and a contrite heart.

Thank God for the yet to come

So many people give testimonies about God's goodness in retrospection.

Today I thank God for the things that are yet to come.

I can already imagine!

Happiness over Holiness

If I were to line up a bunch of biblical characters for an interview about life, what would they reply?

What made you feel most fulfilled about your life?

Jesus: I cried out in Gethsemane, because I didn't want to die like this. I was young and I possess great wisdom and healing powers. In the end, I did what I had to do- die to save the unworthy sinners.

Paul: I was a massive murderer unseen in modern times. When I became Paul, all I wanted was to preach Christ and give him imminence. I will rejoice when that is done, despite the fact that I often find myself being locked up in prisons. I also made popular the verse "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength".

Apostles: We have no idea why Jesus chose us, but still we accompanied Him in his journeys. We witnessed his teachings, healings and we continued the works after Jesus is gone. We set up the first churches and eventually, some of us died as martyrs for the faith.

Me: I was a well behaved child, studied, worked hard and earn my keeps. I attend church, pray and read the bible. I cross the road when there's a green man, never run afoul with the law. In fact, I am such a well-managed package that you might as well throw in marrying a Christian husband who is also my best friend, raising up successful children who have great character and academic ability and whoo hoo, I'll retire with a lovely house, chirping birds and a life of peace.

When did happiness ever evolved into this manner?

Christian and non-christian friends seem to have the same life purpose now- to be happy. Fair enough, who doesn't want to happy? Happiness is now a package tour of predictability, hassle-free, comfort and value for money. Dare I say I do not desire those things in life?

Back to all these 'troublesome' biblical characters. Perhaps it is no longer fashionable to define happiness as obedience, faith, courage and fellowship. Why obey when it makes us looks so cowed down? Why have faith when we are in control? Why do we need courage when it's really someone else's business? What's the big deal about fellowship when we really need not be accountable to anyone these days?

I feel rather ashamed as I thought about all these. I do not intend that everyone should be the next martyr or missionary, but what about my next decision? Would I veer towards the safe and predictable 'what's in it for me', or will I run to God and trust that He is in control and obey what He would like me to do? Can I be happy simply because I obeyed?

Tozer in "The Dwelling Place of God", mentions:
Now, my brethren, I don't know whether I can make it clear or not. I know that things like this have to be felt rather than understood, but the wounded man is never a seeker after happiness. There is an ignoble pursuit of irresponsible happiness among us. Over the last years, as I have observed the human scene and have watched God's professed people live and die, I have seen that most of us would rather be happy than to feel the wounds of other people's sorrows. I do not believe that it is the will of God that we should seek to be happy, but rather that we should seek to be holy and useful. The holy man will be the useful man and he's likely to be a happy man too; but if he seeks happiness and forgets holiness and usefulness, he's a carnal man. I, for one, want no part in carnal religious joy. There are times when it's sinful to be happy. When Jesus our Lord was sweating it out there in the garden or hanging on the tree, He could not be happy. He was the "man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief."