Wrongs and Rights?

Is there really such a thing as a right or wrong decision?

Whose reference point is it anyway?

Your friends? The world? The imaginary people who might chance upon it? God?

Have you ever confided in someone in a dilemma such as a colleague taking your credit, a friend who is too busy when you need them, a partner who deceives, and even before you ask, you feel like there's a 'right' answer to it. Heaven forbid that you still stay sweet and watch the rolling credits. Immediately, you feel really stupid for even thinking that there are alternative options. Then paralysis sets in.

The ways of the world can be quite brutal and unkind. Often the right thing to do is whatever that benefits/prevents a loss at the end of the day. Life have its own spectators yelling out to do what is right for you - do not make a decision that puts you on the losing side. You are the master of your (happy) destiny, right?

Wrong.

I was not happy with balancing on the tightrope of rights and wrongs. It felt strange. It made me question God if He was a good God and if He was all powerful and in control. It made me wonder if His ways are still relevant - the pillar of fire, the tabernacle, casting lots, or trying to hear that still small voice.

I must admit these thoughts stemmed from the fact that I never really thought much about a individual will of God for me. I have been brought up with good understanding of the generic wills of God - In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God; be filled with the spirit. No worries! I got those verses etched in my head I can run them on autopilot.

I have been praying for God to reveal one aspect of his will recently. It started when I asked a close friend about a scenario and she challenged me to seek if that is God's will. Coincidentally, I was also doing a bible study about Joshua. It all made sense, when God commanded, he also gave Joshua victory. It was very straightforward, too simple to be true.

I used to get really angry with someone because I expected a certain 'right' or 'wrong'. I was afraid that my imaginary crowd will boo at me if I didn't get angry and do what was right. That imaginary crowd sometimes includes my own human nature disguised in the name of 'being true to my needs'. What did that profit me over time? Pride in exchange for peace. I was momentarily proud that 'I've finally done the right thing for myself!'. No prizes for guessing why that happiness did not last.

You see, I didn't want to just be on that profitable side of the books. I have this great imagination of the pearly gates where God asks me about my life on earth, and I reply "Hey God, I made sure I didn't lose out, I got all my needs met, I made sure I chose a high flying job, a husband who loved me to bits, people marveled at my happy life and here I am!"

Don't get me wrong. I know what my hearts desires are. I do like to have a good job, spouse, kids, house, and all you can name. But in this quiet times, I found myself not fearing that I lose all the above, but fearing that I am not abiding in God's will, for I see what a victorious life is it to have Him walk with you, and a confusing one when you walk by yourself (or with your imaginary buddies).

The sheer fear of the Lord over following own ways is the beginning of wisdom.

Oh, I even recruited for myself a set of new and non-imaginary audience.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Rahab) let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.