I have recently finished the book 'Wonder' by R.J Palacio. It was an easy read about a boy growing up with possibly Treacher Collins syndrome which causes facial deformities. The book chronicles August's ('Auggie') younger years of growing up to entering mainstream school and reveals the realities faced by him. There are also portions written from the perspective of those close to him- his sister and good friend amongst a few.
In my many conversations with friends now, I have to be thankful that I never felt like I was bullied. While I did not have facial deformities like Auggie, I had a big head of afro hair. A little scrawny chinese girl with a large afro hair during the pre-internet, conservative Singapore is not that much of a fashion statement. Like Auggie, I often get second, third or fourth takes in public, people covering their mouths whispering to each other, the pointing... the description brought back memories. In a particular episode I still remember, a little boy sitting across the seats in a train remarked to his mother 'Mom, she is so ugly. How is she going to get married?'. I actually felt embarrassed for the mother, whom I can see was nervously looking if there was an emergency window she can break to jump out of the moving train. The rest sitting there pretended they didn't hear a thing. Perhaps they too wanted to nod in unison. For it'll be a lame line to correct 'No son. You can't judge a book by its cover'. Any comments like that will incite mass suicide in the train. Now that I think about it, it was quite amusing.
I stared at girls with pigtails and ponytails and wondered how that can be a reality for me. Mom kept my hair short so that it would not look too poofy. I smoothed it down with gel and anything heavy I could get my hand off. When the wind blows, it's like chaffs of dried hay got blown all over, impossible to lay it down into a shape again. The curious fact about afro is, it is water resistant. So I never looked like I swam, nothing I slather on will stay, and yes, I do know how Michael Jackson feels.
It made me proud of the primary and secondary school I went to. I never received a nasty remark from a friend or classmate. There were definitely nicknames, but even my cousins will call me names like that. I know it was not done to taunt me. Or perhaps I have since grew that elephant hide skin that left me immune to the discourse of my hair. Reciting the Lord's prayer 100 times didn't work, but divine help came in the technology of hair straightening when I was in my mid teens. I never looked back since.
But this means I do not get a prize for being courageous, unlike Auggie. What I probably get is a glimpse of Auggie's world, although it is nothing that close to the anguish he would have suffered. I do like the easy read, and will recommend it to older children who sometimes need to know their convictions and not go along with the crowd to ostracise someone who looks different from them. I am one glad beneficiary of such courage, and that was why I wasn't the one wanting to cry inside the train when that boy made that remark.
